I am angry at my stupid useless body, the pain I am in, the fact that it's tea time and I'm still in my jammies, they are rather nicer Betty Boop ones but jammies none the less. I have done nothing today except sleep. I watch my husband running around doing the housework while I stay stuck on the sofa, unable to do what I once did.
I am supposed to be going out tomorrow, will I be able to muster the strength?? Who knows because I don't!!!
I am sick to my back teeth of having to live with half my brain racing with all the thoughts and the other shouting shut up and rest.
I am angry at having to ask my husband to make me a cup of coffee, my meals. I cannot trust myself with a butter knife to make a sandwich, or the kettle to make the afore mentioned coffee since last time I did try I burnt my foot as I spilled boiling water all over the counter top and myself.
I get irritated over the smallest thing these days, all because I am angry at myself for allowing this to control me and not the other way around.
The last time I saw my plastic surgeon he said "you need to get the infection under control" aye OK then because its as simple as that isn't it?? I have tried all antibiotics that are used for HS, none worked. Well maybe Roacutane might have had it not been such a trial for me and my family, but since it was I had to come off it before anyone could work out if it was working or not.
I rattle when I do manage to walk due to the amount of pain meds I am popping like smarties right now. Pity they don't taste as nice actually!!
Today is becoming normal to me, my bad days are out numbering my good days.
That is why I am angry today I am sick of feeling useless and helpless. I want to be how I was before HS stole my life.
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